Moments Of Doubt
Here's a true story for you.
On October 14th, which was Day 3 of the Turn On the Water campaign, I was anxious. On Day 1, we got off to a hot start, but Day 2 was lackluster. At this point, I began to obsess over the success or failure of the campaign.
I know this might seem healthy and normal to many of you, but it bothered me, and for this reason.
I knew that I was looking to the success of Turn On the Water to give me my significance. I'm not sure if the average human gets concerned with things like this. In fact, looking to your work for your significance would probably be about the most noble and innocent feeling one could have, if it weren't for Jesus.
When a person sets out to follow Jesus, it doesn't take too long to realize that your ultimate significance can't come from yourself. Here you are, trying to align yourself with a man who was so good, even God in the flesh. But at the same time, you're still trying to live the life that the culture at large is telling you to live. The two worlds just don't jive for long and something has to give. You either reduce your faith to a cultural cog in the wheel, or you listen to that inexplicable being that we call the Holy Spirit and let Him guide your path. I realize I'm simplifying this tension, but I digress for brevity's sake.
The truth is there is no amount of clean water projects that SuNica can complete, or good deeds that I can do that will make me feel good enough.
So on that Friday morning, as I felt anxious and doubted the success of Turn On the Water, I looked at my friend on the other side of the breakfast table, and I confessed that I was looking in the wrong place for my significance. In that moment, I checked my email and noticed a message from my friend Shannon, the founder of Dynamic Water, and our partner in the Turn On the Water project. His email was also a confession. He admitted that he was more stressed and anxious than he had ever been in his life. The night before, he had confessed this to some friends, and apologized to his wife for letting it affect the family.
The timing of those confessions was a little too close for coincidence, and I made a conscious decision that morning to trust that only my Creator can tell me my true worth. For the remainder of the campaign, there were times when we felt a bit stuck, but even in those nights, I slept great.
Praise God for moving in the hearts of over 150 people to support Turn On the Water. The project is funded and that my friends, is good news!